There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
