hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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