i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
