You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
