Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
