are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
