I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
