where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Randomize
