if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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