where am i from again
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I've blown a few things in my day
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
