it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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