I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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