Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
God gave him joint rollers for hands
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
