....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
