I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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