Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
