Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
