I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
