do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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