My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
