I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
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It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
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Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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