I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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