I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
