Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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