ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
