When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
