if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
