He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
