Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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