I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
