Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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