We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
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She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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