Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
