i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
