tell your sister to shave her snatch
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
