hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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