I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
