Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
