omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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