Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
