this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
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I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
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The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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