Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
