I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
