Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
