ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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