The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
he's gonorrhea incarnate
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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