Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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