I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
