New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
