I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
