He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
