you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
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It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
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I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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