So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
