...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Randomize
