btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
