I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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