Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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