winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Watching her eat just hurts me
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I AM VODKA MAN
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
