if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
