so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
