do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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