I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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