On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Randomize
