I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
