guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
