i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
barbara walters just said penis...
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
