i just made my gag reflex go away.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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