you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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