I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
