Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
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