i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Tell her she can't have a vagina
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
