I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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